#ThisIsUs: Stories of Vulnerability
Rupal Sanghavi, Harshita Jain, Daksh Mota, Rea Savla, Adit Mehta, Vatsal Gandhi
It can be difficult to talk about inclusivity because it requires us to discuss real feelings of exclusion. But it’s important to share these feelings to explicitly show pain points in our community that need to be addressed, as we educate ourselves about diversity, equity, and inclusion.
Jainism teaches us to have compassion. The human spirit motivates us to make a difference and leave our mark on the world. Listening to the vulnerable feelings of others helps us make that compassionate impact because it can inspire a willingness and urgency to act when we see points of concern.
Members of YJA leadership wanted to help start this vulnerable conversation on inclusivity by sharing their own stories — times where they felt like they didn’t fit in, whether that was in the YJA community or an experience outside of the Jain community.
Each YJA member is different, and that is our greatest asset. By sharing these stories, completely unfiltered, we hope to encourage you to find the courage to speak out, the willingness to listen empathetically, and the urgency to take action.
Rupal Sanghavi // Director of Events
“After getting involved in YJA, I realized that there was a big difference between growing up in a Jain community and growing up without that strong, close Jain friend group. When people talk about ‘growing up Jain,’ they talk about going to the temple every Sunday or going to retreats and conventions. When I would hear about these experiences, I felt like an outsider. By the time I joined YJA, at 23, it felt like I was too late and that connections, friendships, and roles in the organization had already been established.
I also sometimes view YJA as a luxury. When I first joined YJA and saw people putting so many hours into this organization, it was so unusual. In my family’s mind, YJA was something completely fun that we’re choosing to do, so it wasn’t an excuse for me to take out time for things that weren’t related to school, family responsibilities, or work.
Another way YJA can feel like a luxury is when it comes to spending to stay involved. It sometimes feels as if the general YJA population is above average in income. I remember going on trips or out on weekends with YJA friends — while they would eat at an upscale restaurant or take an Uber to get to social activities, I felt like I wasn’t able to say that I couldn’t spend that much. In turn, I would just become quiet. I started feeling like I needed to change myself to fit in.
As I reflect on my experiences, I realize there are likely many other situations in which people feel they don’t belong. I want to learn more about others’ stories and how I can help make events more inclusive of a diverse group of people this year!”
Harshita Jain // YJA Convention Committee — Public Relations Co-Lead
“I’m grateful to have grown up with Jainism having a significant influence on every aspect of my life. However, it wasn’t until I was around ten years old that I started learning Sutras (Jain scriptures), and until a few years later that I began attending Pathshala (a school/institution furthering the study of Jainism) regularly. Prior to that, I remember when I went to Pathshala with my cousins in India and felt excluded because everyone else already understood the lessons I had not yet had the chance to learn. The students were already in tune with core concepts and could learn Gathas (stanzas within Jain scriptures) much quicker than I could, and so I was less inclined to speak up and be myself.
As I grew older, I became more knowledgeable about Jainism. I remember attending my first YJA event — the 2018 Mid-Atlantic Poconos retreat — where I met people with varying degrees of familiarity with Jainism. I realized that not everyone could attend Pathshala or had the same experiences growing up. I also realized how intimidating it could be for others to occupy the shared space we were in, especially since I had felt the same intimidation years before.
As Director of Education, I made it a priority to focus on the different audiences within YJA, and I was able to work with my committee to broaden the kinds of resources we offered. For example, we introduced a “Jainism 101” workshop to give members a more equal footing when entering sessions and conversations at events. Hopefully, such initiatives will serve as a reminder to avoid making assumptions and judgements around others’ familiarity with Jainism, and instead, provide the opportunity to make more inclusive environments for all.”
Daksh Mota // Southeast Regional Coordinator
“When I first got accepted into the YJA board, I realized that everyone was either in college, a recent graduate, or well past college. I was nervous about how the age gap would be filled between me and everyone else. Once I met the board, I instantly connected with the other members, but the age gap definitely felt like it was there. When I was setting up the logistics of traveling to and from the YJA Executive Board Meeting in Dallas, I felt like I had to be dependent on someone else to make sure all of those logistics were in place because I am 17, and can’t make some accommodations, such as booking an Uber, on my own. I didn’t want to feel like I was burdening anyone. Aside from my age, I was also conscious of being from a smaller local YJA community. It seemed like everyone else on the board was from a region that was more active, and I felt like my lack of experience in YJA caused me to be misaligned with other board members at times. Despite these momentary feelings of exclusion, I am grateful that I forged bonds with others on board almost instantly. Everyone embraced my presence and included me in conversations. I want to make sure that this feeling is reciprocated for others as I continue my term on board this year.”
Rea Savla // Co-Chair
“Not feeling like you belong is difficult in any scenario. But I think the times where it’s affected me the most is when that feeling of not belonging made me question my worth or the value I could bring to a community or an organization. I have felt this in professional settings, and it’s made me reflect pretty deeply on my own leadership style. At work, I was often quieter than colleagues of mine who were more boisterous, loud, and constantly riffing off each other. It felt as though everyone was bubbly, talkative, and already knew Western etiquette. I had to learn through observation all about the table manners of sitting at a Western dinner or how to act in Western social corporate events. I remember getting feedback that ‘You should be louder, you should speak up more.’ On one hand, it was definitely constructive. But on the other hand, it sometimes felt like I was being told to be something I inherently wasn’t. As I got a little older and had more work experience, I started talking to other junior colleagues who, like me, were children of immigrants, and I could empathize with their feelings. Fitting in was a big part of those conversations — Corporate America is really fancy and if you don’t really have a natural in, it can feel daunting. These conversations struck a chord with me and I realized the idea of ‘fitting in’ was a systemic thing, set by the predominant status quo. This realization is what caused me to reflect on my leadership style. I always thought I had to be louder, bubblier, more athletic, just bigger — everyone else at work was also over a foot taller than I was. A lot of terms used to describe positive leadership qualities are also more stereotypically masculine adjectives. I wondered — was there power in being quieter, more empathetic, and less cutthroat? I think for me, learning how to lean into the leadership style that is most natural to me while simultaneously taking constructive pointers from other styles is what I’m actively working on as I think about how to redefine ‘fitting in.’”
Adit Mehta // Northeast Regional Coordinator
“My mom is Deravasi and my dad comes from a Sthanakvasi family (sub-sects of Jainism). I went to the temple as a child, but not as much as Jain friends did who I grew up around. When I went into college, I started discovering my own form of Jainism. I didn’t go to the temple as much because it didn’t align with what I thought was Jainism. Almost everyone you meet in YJA is a temple-going Shvetambar Jain. It can be a little weird, especially when we have events that are based around the temple because I don’t feel the same religious connection to the place. I’m a big fan of Jain art, literature, songs, and the language of Prakrit so it’s a nice experience, but I don’t have the same intimacy with the temple as others do. I know how to do Aarti and Divo (acts of worship where one sings devotional songs while light is offered to deities in the form of a small lamp, signifying knowledge and overcoming ignorance) — even in my house, we have a temple, but it makes me feel uncomfortable to do that with people. The temple and me — it’s a strange relationship. In the end, the Jain principles that unite all of us help me think beyond the physical temple and make a home in YJA.”
Vatsal Gandhi // YJA Convention Committee — Security Co-Lead
“Born and raised in a tight-knit Jain community in Bombay, I came to the U.S. for undergraduate college at the age of 17. It is difficult for any immigrant to try fitting in at that age, and it becomes a life-changing decision whether you stick with your fellow international students or if you ‘branch out’ and make American friends. I got very lucky with some of the nicest, kindest, and most accepting group of American and Indian American roommates, who helped me grow during the most formative years of my life. It is easy to start feeling ostracized when you clearly stand out with your accent, lifestyle, interests, and background, but it is comforting when new friends and acquaintances look beyond all of that and support you through your ups and downs. After college, it was YJA that did this for me. Over the last few years, I’ve been endlessly grateful to the organization for accepting me, allowing me to be myself, and letting me contribute in so many ways. From attending the 2012 Convention in Tampa as a naïve, shy boy from Mumbai to being Co-Chair of the organization on YJA Day 2020, it has been a journey I will never forget.”
We must continue this community-wide conversation on inclusion so that as YJA grows stronger and larger each year, each member can still find their home within the organization. By listening to these stories and reflecting on our own feelings of exclusion, we can be on the lookout for places where each of us can drive inclusivity in our own lives.
